(written October 9, 2015)
Just a quick update tonight as I am exhausted from working two 6 hour shifts in the past day.
I am grateful beyond words for the response that you, my friends and family, made to my birth day request for money to support the work with people seeking refuge. In less than a day I have already received nearly $3,000. I would like to be able to send a personal thanks to each of you but, given that I am having trouble keeping my eyes open at 8pm, this is not likely to happen soon.
Please know that I am grateful and that this will make a huge difference for many tired, hungry and destitute people, Strangely, I am already aware that it will also make a difference within me. I long to be more generous and to live in a mood of abundance. But I am disappointed to recognize the depth and tenacity of my attachment to the narrative of scarcity. It is so difficult for me to give freely without some internal calculation of whether I can afford I, whether the person really needs it and what will happen if I don’t have “enough”. Old messages that no longer serve me or the world.
So, with your generosity, I trust that I will be able to more easily respond with “yes” rather than “maybe” or “no” or to give with less than a truly open heart. My hope is that this will re-program my response pattern and that it will be reinforced by the joy and satisfaction I feel when I give. Maybe one result of your generosity will be a more generous Steve. I hope so.
Today has been a day of emerging systems here in Presevo. We are expecting an influx of volunteers in coming days and need to develop the minimal necessary structures to support and utilize them. In addition, the volunteer community is developing as we share information, establish relationships and develop systems in response to the problems we are experiencing. It has been interesting to watch my own participation in this process as I move the full spectrum from picking up garbage to attempting to facilitate our volunteer meeting to negotiating revised systems with UNHCR. There seem to be opportunities to practice many of my skills and to refine and deepen them in a new and very challenging environment. I am so grateful for this ongoing journey of service and learning.
So, I guess that I wasn’t able to keep this short after all.
And just as I was finishing this post, I got interrupted by a request to buy food and water to provide to the people standing in the queue through the night. So the first 15,000 dinars ($150 US) has been put to good use. Gratitude.
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