(written on October 8, 2015)
Thank you friends for all the birthday greetings today. This will definitely be one to remember. I have had happier ones but I doubt that I’ve ever had a more meaningful or fulfilling one.
My day began at 5:30 in our crowded shared house, turned volunteer command center and refuge. Despite people coming and going all night taking turns sleeping in our limited beds, I slept the deep sleep of exhaustion and renewal.
By 6:00 I was on the front lines answering questions, distributing UNHCR raincoats until they ran out and then plastic garbage bags for DIY raincoats, identifying EVRs (extremely vulnerable refugees) and advocating – sometimes quite assertively – with the overwhelmed police to allow them to escape the 8+ hour queue, listening to some of the world’s most heart breaking stories, carrying babies through the mud when it became too much for exhausted and overwhelmed parents, and helping police manage the crowd. Far too often I had to say “no” to desperate people wanting the woefully inadequate number of raincoats. I felt ashamed when I had to listen to grown men begging me for a plastic garbage bag and I would refuse them because we were prioritizing women and children. A few times I had to channel my inner warrior and shout with all my intensity for people to back off. What kind of world do we live in where a plastic raincoat can nearly cause a stampede or small riot?
I was disappointed and discouraged to repeatedly discover the limits of my compassion. There were times that I closed my heart to any caring emotion, times that I wanted to run away, times that I wished we didn’t have any raincoats so I wouldn’t have to decide who got one and who didn’t. Is it humanly possible to remain loving and caring in such an emotional pressure cooker?
The end of my six hour shift (I will work two of them per day) came and went. I could feel my fatigue but there was no relief coming so I stayed on, dreaming of taking the time to escape to the pizza parlor to treat myself to a proper birthday meal.
All of a sudden, around 13:30, I was called to immediate attention when a young woman fell and was knocked unconscious. I ran to the MSF medical tent and begged for a doctor. I was told to take her to the medical clinic inside the enclosure. A quick search revealed that there were no stretchers or wheel chairs available so I ran back to the woman and four or five of us ran with her to the clinic. All I know of her condition is that she was alive and moving a little. I guess that is a microcosm of the work here. We do what we can and the people move on and we never know more about their condition or destination. My emergency response sapped my last reserve of emotional energy and I walked off to find my pizza.
Now, over my pizza, I am recounting some of the successes of the morning. The babies I carried through the mud. The genuine gratitude from some people as I gave them a simple garbage bag, the organization that I have dove with our volunteer communication system, the pregnant women that I was able to rescue from the line, the sense of teamwork and mutual respect with the Serbian police and with UNHCR colleagues. So much to be grateful for.
Finally, a little plea. All of the grassroots volunteer groups here in Presevo have run out of money. Many came with their pockets full of money raised in Germany, Sweden, Switzerland and elsewhere. But the funds have gone fast, purchasing food and raincoats and garbage bags and emergency bus tickets and, and, and. All of us are frequently and willingly using our personal funds to respond to emergent needs. But more money is needed. I hate to suggest that money is (ever) the answer and I hate to ask for money. But the reality is that the flood of refugees does not appear to be slowing and the rain continues to fall. We expect a very difficult night ahead of us an more days of the same. If any of you would like to honor my birthday celebration in a tangible way, I invite you to donate money and I promise that it will be used to help a person in need.
Finally, thank you all for the birthday greetings and the personal notes of encouragement and concern. I apologize that I’ve not been able to respond personally to them. But they make a difference and help to sustain me. I couldn’t do this work without your support. Yes, I am tired and my emotional resources are tapped but I am also blessed with strength and resilience (some might say stubbornness) and I am able to continue and I am caring for myself. So, thanks for your concern, but there is no need to worry.
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