I am not yet on the Camino Santiago, but the journey has certainly begun and I am delighted by the learnings that are showing up. This week a light bulb came on for me in aikido – one of those light bulbs that has has relevance for life’s journey as much as it does in the aikido dojo.
In rondori – a free-style practice of responding to one or more attackers – my Sensei has been telling me for years to move before the attacker grabs or hits me. “Yes, but…”, the voice in my head would always say. How would I know which direction to move before I see how I am being attacked? So, I kept trying to move more quickly as I determined what the attacker was doing. And the more I tried to move fast, the more I would grab and try to force something.
This week, I found myself moving ahead of the attack and discovered myself on the “wrong” side of the attack. And then, all of a sudden the light bulb went off as I realized that there is no right or wrong side. As I have been learning specific techniques, there are appropriate relationships that make them possible but the wrong relationship for one technique is right for another one. So, if I can let go of my preconceived ideas of what technique I want to perform and just move in any direction, something will be available to me.
Wow! What a concept – just move, trust, and let things happen. This means learning to trust in my skill and ability to respond to whatever relationship emerges from my movement and my partner’s attack. It means letting go of my plans, initiating my movement and then going with the flow. In so doing, the concept of initiator and responder disappears and what emerges is flow, a dance.
“Move sooner. Move before he grabs you.” I have heard these words over and over for six and a half years and even though they never really made sense to me, they have become part of my unconscious. What I realize is that I was not able to follow these directions until I developed enough basic techniques and until I began to learn henka waza (continuing technique). I love to play with the concept of “you can’t get there from here” as I travel through life. Of course, you can get anywhere, sometimes it just takes a longer and more difficult route. Henka waza is the application of this in aikido. By continuing to move and to change the relationships, a skilled practitioner can get to any technique. And an even more skilled practitioner learns that there is no destination, there is no technique to try to get to; it is all a journey and a dance.
I feel so grateful for this new learning and it feels so timely and relevant for me as I set off on a new journey. My decision to move from my home in La Grande without a clear sense of where I will be settling is moving ahead of the attacker. It is about initiating movement without knowing where it will lead. It is about living life without preconceptions and fixed plans, about flowing with what emerges instead of trying to impose my plans upon life. It is about learning to trust my ability to spontaneously respond to what emerges and even to dance with life instead of fighting to make it conform to my plans. This ability to trust needs to be grounded in lots of practice in the basic techniques and rooted in an intention to protect life. In all of this, I am continually learning the importance of shutting off my rational, calculating, scheming mind and of trusting a deeper intelligence.
I’ve heard it said that becoming a black belt in a martial art means having attained enough skill in the basic techniques to be ready to begin the real training and the discovery of the deeper meaning of the practices. With this latest discovery, I can feel this to be true. What was once an absurd concept of moving before the attack is now becoming an exciting real possibility for living life.
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